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Taking More Psychedelics Than You Can Integrate


This was me for the first 5 years of taking cannabis and psychedelics. I absolutely loved the thrill of making my world a dreamland. Also, it was perfect compensation for my fearful self-isolation coping mechanisms. Not only could I take fun drugs but I could continue being a social outcast and not feel bad about it! Years later I find myself alone, hating my job, losing my health, unmotivated, disconnected, and lost. The psychedelics did not help. I definitely learned a lot from my trips, enlivened a strong faith in spiritual principles and egoic questioning. I felt like I just "knew things," but what did that amount to? Not only was I not successful, or appreciated, but I wasn't even happy. It seemed like the deeper I went into my consciousness, the less I cared to be a human. I would sometimes observe people carrying on with their seemingly mundane activities, and feel jealous. Even the silly conflicts and obstacles seemed more fun than me sitting at home alone criticizing it.... This was me being a pro at not integrating. I had tripped hundreds of times, but had so little ability to manifest it that I just gave up. They were some fun trips, but now when I trip it's fun in a very different way. Now I feel this instinctual desire to commune with nature, community, and the healing process. It's both more satisfying and more sustainable. Now I walk away from psychedelic experiences stronger than I was before and the feeling doesn't fade. AND IT DOESN'T TAKE A HIGH DOSE. Getting more out of less has been a new mantra for me as I've integrated more, to the extent that I feel more accomplished on a small dose that I remembered and internalized, compared to a large dose that took me to heaven but can't even put into words. I think its great to explore the far reaches, but if your intention is to overcome obstacles and change for the better, it might be a different method that gets you there.

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